Michael C. Hall Has A Secret New Girlfriend

In December 2008, Dexter and Raleigh native (yes, I threw that in there) star Michael C. Hall, 40, married co-star Jennifer Carpenter, 31, in a private ceremony. On January 14, 2010, Hall revealed he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. Four months later, doctors proclaimed him cancer free. Then for Christmas, his wife divorced him. Now he's fucking a 25-year old. God is great. Daily Mail reports:

Dexter star Michael C. Hall has a new girlfriend and he has reportedly managed to keep her a secret for five months. And to add insult to injury for his ex-wife Jennifer Carpenter, the new woman is 15 years younger than the 40-year-old actor. Hall has reportedly been dating 25-year-old Vanessa Abrue, who works for Showtime the network that owns his show Dexter, since March - less than three months after Jennifer, 31, filed for divorce from the star. 'No one would ever suspect these two were together because she isn't what anyone would expect Michael to be with,' an insider told RadarOnline.com. 'They hardly go out together but when they do it's always with a group of people so no one would suspect he's with someone.' Vanessa would constantly talk about Michael texting her at all hours of the night but said she thought it was all worth it,' the source said. 'They mostly hang out at Michael's house, but when she does go out in public with him it's only with others and she walks at a distance.' 'It's more like Michael, Vanessa and a few others that work on Dexter that are not actors. They are all close to Vanessa's age,' the insider said. 'When they all hang out at Michael's, Vanessa would always stay the night with him but I don't think Michael realizes how much Vanessa talks about him to friends.'

So to recap, a chick 15 years younger than him regularly comes to his house to bang him, but when they go out in public she has to walk 10 yards behind him. I was going to write something to make this sound better, but I'm pretty sure that's literally impossible.